


Seeing and Knowing

by The_Broken_Dreamer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, Season/Series 08 Spoilers, Self-Acceptance, a short little thing that birthed itself from my head, in which i make my otp canon and simultaneously address lance's issues with self worth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 08:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17525471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Broken_Dreamer/pseuds/The_Broken_Dreamer
Summary: He never saw Keith's eyes watch him as he walked away on their last day on earth.He never saw Keith's face when he learned about his date with Allura.He never saw Keith's expression when he overheard them together, passing by his room door.He could look at Keith and smile, but he didn't 'see' Keith.





	Seeing and Knowing

He never saw Keith's eyes watch him as he walked away on their last day on earth.  
He never saw Keith's face when he learned about his date with Allura.  
He never saw Keith's expression when he overheard them together, passing by his room door.

He could look at Keith and smile, but he didn't 'see' Keith.

He never knew of the conversations Keith had with Shiro about him.  
He never knew of the way Keith's heart ached when he talked about Allura.  
He never knew of the way Keith averted his eyes in sadness when he saw him together with her.

He could know Keith was there for him, but he didn't 'know' Keith.

.  
.  
.

When the adventure ended in a wave of sadness with heartfelt goodbyes to Allura, the first person he looked at was Keith. To this day he couldn't describe the complicated expression on Keith's face when they locked eyes.

He didn't know why but he couldn't stop thinking about Keith.  
He didn't know why but he started avoiding Keith.  
He didn't know why but he'd wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding and only one thought: "Keith."

It was Keith who approached him first.

Keith had given him room to breathe.  
Keith had given him time to grieve.  
Keith had given him space when he wanted to leave.

But Lance couldn't run forever. His thoughts wouldn't let him and Keith sure as hell wasn't about to let him.

On the eve of the first anniversary, Keith came to him. Lance had separated himself from everyone, not just Keith, but especially Keith. When that light knock happened at his door, he knew before he opened it that he'd see Keith standing there. Sure enough, he was right, and his heart went into overdrive.

"Hey, Lance" Keith said with a somber smile.

"Hey." Lance shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Could we...talk?" Keith shifted awkwardly, and Lance knew this was far outside Keith's comfort zone.

Lance wanted to shrug it off.  
Lance wanted to say "not right now" or "maybe tomorrow."  
Lance wanted to just be able to close the door between him and Keith, and put that wall back between them. The wall was safe. The wall was comfortable. He knew the wall like the back of his hand. He trusted the wall.

But Lance said, "sure." and stepped aside to let Keith in. Lance wanted to say something else to fill the silence, to direct the conversation before Keith could say anything, even if he wasn't sure what Keith was here to say.

"Look, I know this time of year is hard, it's the first anniversary, but it's just been impossible to try to see you. I wasn't even sure you'd show for tomorrow, but you're actually here. So..." Keith took an immensely deep breath and briefly closed his eyes before opening them again and looking right at Lance. "Maybe you don't want to hear this. Maybe it's why you've been avoiding me, but Lance–" Keith rested a hand firmly on his shoulder "–I'm here for you–"

"–Thanks, budd––" Lance moved to gently pull Keith's hand off, when,

"–No" Keith gripped his shoulder harder. "Not just like that. Yes, I'm here for you, but–" Keith averted his eyes, "I don't want you to be alone." His grip tightened more, fingernails digging into Lance's shoulder.

Lance could feel his heart pounding in his throat. "It's okay Keith. I'm fine."

Keith looked at him sharply, brow furrowed with a bitter frown. "Don't try to tell me you're fine, not after the last year." His voice strained "You– _disappeared_. I know we all went our separate ways when we were done, but you–you of all people _vanished completely._ We were all worried... _I_ was worried." Keith's voice softened. "I still am." He turned away from Lance.

" _Keith–"_ Lance's voice sounded broken. His eyes welled up. "I–I'm sorry." He hid his face with his arm, tears starting to fall "I didn't mean to–I didn't _want to–_ but I _had_ to. With Allura gone, I felt like nothing. I still–"

"You're _not_ nothing. Especially not to me." Keith rested a gentle hand on Lance's back and softly said "Lance. You shouldn't need anyone to feel like something. And I don't want you to start feeling like you're something only because I said so." He sat down on the bed, lightly pulling Lance to sit down beside him. "Maybe I jumped the gun. I thought now would be the time to say a lot more things to you but–I don't want to be the temporary bandage to make you believe you're not nothing." He waited a beat. "I want you to be able to believe that all on your own."

Lance wiped his face on his sleeve, stifling a hiccup, and taking a deep breath before lowering his arm from his face. He leaned his head on Keith's shoulder and sighed. In a small voice he whispered "I don't know how...where would I even start?"

"I don't know if I can answer that for you." Keith said. "Everyone is different. But maybe you could start by seeing your friends?" He put his hand on Lance's head and gently tousled his hair.

Lance smiled into his shoulder, and closed his eyes

.  
.  
.

The next day Lance saw his friends, and Keith. Why didn't he just think of Keith as part of his friends? As someone separate? He decided not to think too hard about it. It was good to see everybody, but there was an underlying pain of why they'd gathered together: to honor Allura. He found himself in that numb state, when you can still feel, but you can't cry, and it's hard to laugh too.

They ate Hunk's fantastic cooking, and shared stories of Allura, remembering all their adventures with a somber fondness. But them being together wasn't just about Allura.

They had some laughs of silly times past; they shared things about their lives now, both the good and the bad. Even though it was only a result of his conversation with Keith last night, Lance admitted to everyone that he needed help. Maybe it was because in his heart he already knew the things Keith told him were true.

Everyone listened with worry and love, and offered advice as to what he could do to go forward. It was Pidge's idea to try seeing a therapist, and when he got home from their gathering, that's what he did. He called Keith to tell him when he'd scheduled his first appointment, and he could hear the smile in Keith's voice when he said _"I'm glad to hear that."_

It became a bit of a ritual for Lance to call Keith before or after his appointments, whether he was anxious about something beforehand, or to share something new he learned.

.  
.  
.

Life passed, and Lance healed. The whole process was impossibly long and it hardly ever felt like anything happened. Technically it was a process that was never going to end. He'd be working on it the rest of his life, his self worth. But there was a difference between before his therapy and now. A huge difference, so huge that he could actually feel it and remember how he used to be.

He could remember how he used to be, but it was impossible to remember how exactly he got from there to here. The things Lance actually would remember were odds and ends of conversations with Keith.

Keith. They talked regularly but Lance hadn't seen him since the last yearly anniversary they had for Allura. He couldn't even remember what number anniversary it was, off the top of his head.

He wanted to go see Keith. Not for any special reason. It wasn't some special occasion. He just...wanted to see him, and that was enough.

.  
.  
.

When Keith opened his door to see Lance standing there he didn't hesitate to pull him into a big hug. Lance didn't know why but he felt on the verge of crying. A previous version of himself might try to laugh it off or poke fun at Keith, but such an action wasn't even a blip in his mind. He hugged Keith back and they stood like that for quite a while.

Keith's hair was long, tied back into a ponytail and Lance had the urge to run his hand through it. Before he could make a decision as to whether to go through with it, Keith gently pulled back, keeping his arms around him but putting some space between them so they could look at each other.

"So what brings you here?" Keith said with a smile. Lance had to resist the urge to look away the smile felt so blindingly bright.

"I–I don't know. I just–want to see you..." Lance could feel himself growing timider at that, wanting to pull away. Maybe feeling like it was a silly reason. Before he could, Keith pulled him back into their hug.

"Well I'm glad you came." Keith breathed out and it sounded like such a sigh of relief.

Back in the hug, Lance was faced with the choice again as to whether to run his hand through Keith's hair, and just when he thought he'd shot his own idea down, he found his hand there anyway, stroking the silky locks.

"Your hair's so long, now."

"Yeah–" Keith said sheepishly, "I just haven't–"

"I like it." Lance interrupted.

"Yeah?" Keith pulled back again, smiling a different smile than before. One that Lance felt was just for him, so he didn't dare look away.

Lance smiled and nodded.

.  
.  
.

Keith invited Lance inside and he could feel the difference. All the times they'd seen each other over the years since their conversation that started all this, and he had never seen Lance like this. Lance felt closer to him than ever. It scared him. It excited him.

.  
.  
.

It wasn't some big hullabaloo. They talked. Keith cooked. They ate. They played with Kosmo who'd gotten huge. They settled down and watched a movie. At some point during the movie they ended up leaning against each other, Lance's head on Keith's shoulder and Keith's head on Lance's head.

It was a long action movie and they were only about half way through when Lance murmured,

"I think I want to be with you." It took Keith a moment to absorb the words and his head whipped around, jerking Lance's head off his shoulder and letting him fall "Ow." Lance said without sounding hurt at all.

"Sorry–sorry. You just surprised me and I'm not sure I heard you right. Could you say that again?" Keith looked Lance in the eye and Lance looked to the side and then down. "Please?" Keith said gently, pointedly looking away from Lance to help him out a bit. The movie continued forgotten in the background.

Lance swallowed hard, biting his lip. It was hard enough to say it at all and he had to say it again? But Keith wasn't looking at him anymore and it was like a spotlight was no longer shining down on him. He moved closer to Keith and weaved an arm under his and clasped his hand, which Keith clasped back.

"I want–to be–with you." He choked out. He could feel tears well in his eyes, but before he could react Keith turned towards him and pulled him into a tight hug. "Keith?" Lance managed, confused and teary-eyed.

"You have no idea– _no idea_ –how long I've wanted that with you." Lance could hear a crack in Keith's voice and it brought him back down to earth.

"Really?" Lance asked, having trouble believing reality.

"Really."

Lance released from the hug only to fully leap on top of Keith as they both laughed with tears in their eyes. They hugged again holding each other so firmly, listening to each other's breathing over the sounds of fight scenes, as their laughter died down. Lance pulled back and they looked into each other's eyes for the first time.

Both breathed a deep breath almost in unison. Lance wetted his dry lips with his tongue and Keith's eyes followed. Lance saw, and leaned a little closer but ultimately held back, biting his lip. He couldn't close the distance. So Keith did. He leaned up from his pinned position and slotted his lips against Lance's, who lightly recoiled, only to breathe a sigh of relief into Keith. Lance let himself collapse on top of Keith, fully surrendering to the kiss. They swallowed down each other's little noises and reveled in it.

Lance was kissing Keith. He was _kissing Keith_.

It felt so right.   
It felt like it took them years to get here.   
It felt like this was where they'd always been, like this was where they belonged.

 

Now Lance finally saw the way Keith looked at him and could feel all warm inside.  
Now Lance finally knew Keith,  
Now Lance finally knew 'why,'

–and Lance loved Keith.


End file.
